REPORT: U.S. Desperately Low On “Good-Hearted Men”

A new report released by fat white women off dating sites has confirmed that the United States population of “Good Hearted Men” is desperately low. Profile after profile has confirmed that millions of obese white women are in search of “Good Hearted Men”.

“Most men only care about one thing.” said Tami Lynn Johnson, 24, 5’3” 334lbs. “They just want my goodies.” referring to the section of loose mildewed skin that hangs between the mass of fat overlapping her thighs.

Life hasn’t always been an infinite train of eager penis Tami Lynn admits, “There was a time when no one noticed me. But then I moved to Detroit and it was nonstop. I went from a nobody in a little small white rural town to the belle of the ball in Detroit.” Tami Lynn couldn’t quite put her finger on what changed but mentioned that the majority of the new interested males were Black. “It’s weird but not one white guy wanted me. But those dark fellas, they practically trip over each other to get after my goodies.” she added.

But even with the added attention Tami Lynn admits the new men don’t seem very “good-hearted” as she so eloquently puts it. “They just want one thing. I wish I could find a guy who loved me for me and not just the delicious nether-regions of my hourglass physique.” (Hourglass could be more accurately described as 3 and a half days glass) The problem seems to be more prevalent among white obese women. In the report released last Monday, the majority of dissatisfied women were white, overweight or obese & not attractive at all. There is only one fat white woman to date who is attractive & that’s the singer Adele. And her looks are only improved because she can sing. If Adele doesn’t sing like an angel she’s just another fat white woman bitching about the dollar menu costing more.

English: Adele - Paradiso Amsterdam 2008 Adele...

English: Adele – Paradiso Amsterdam 2008 Adele – Paradiso Amsterdam – July 14, 2008 (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So why is this problem only associated with fat white women? And if the fat white woman loses weight, does she also lose the problem of finding a “good-hearted man”? The report did not specify either but local Detroit native, Tyrone Miggs had his own take on these questions, “It’s like this man. If you take a big white girl and make her skinny, she ain’t gonna have that same take ya dig? I mean I can’t push on it quite the same right? Plus skinny white girls don’t let me use they car and borrow money.” (By borrow, he means TAKE and never return) When asked if he could have a skinny white girl or fat white girl and both would let him “borrow” money and their car the choice was clear. “FUCK! I take the skinny white girl! I ain’t fucking stupid bruh!”

So it is my conclusion that the reason for the shortage of good-hearted men is not so much related to the men but to the U.S. obesity rate which is the highest in the World at 35.7%. It would appear that the distinction between a woman’s weight and her ability to find good hearts in men are directly related. “The more fat or obese a white woman is, the more likely she encounters bad-hearted men.” commented Harvard Philosopher Thomas George. So the reason the U.S. is desperately low on good-hearted men is we are so abundantly stocked with obese white women.

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